After many months away from the yoga studio I had at one point, tried to frequent in my old life...Having found some passes I had bought,  thought today was a good day to try and return. .......

Within the first three downward dogs, I realized just how wrong my life was a year ago.   Last year, every cell in my body was fighting where I was.... to the point where every breath became a struggle to hold back waves of grief and hold in tears.   Sort of not really the point to yoga.......I don't think that the class of strangers would have found their peace listening to me cry the whole way thru the class.  (altho that would be a funny skit).    

I identified with a scene from the book "Eat, Pray, Love"  - where the author is having a depressed episode sobbing on the bathroom floor, was asking for divine guidance.   This,  was something I did often last year.    The author's depressed episodes came from living a life with someone who didn't love her.    Her divine guidance was apparently the voice of God saying "Go to bed".    Being too afraid to sleep -  I chose medication that would force unconsciousness.    The yoga class - fighting tears with each breath - was my message.  I just fought that to....

By contrast, over the duration of this mornings class, I realized that my body had returned, at last, to it's natural state.  Joy.  I was amazed how with each breathe - my body felt like the glitters of sunshine cast by a crystal chandelier.......  I found happiness, and peace.  All by myself.